[	Current Location	|	right here in her heart	]
[	mood	|	and every emotion there is	]

ok I have so much shyt going through my head right now I couldnt sleep so I decided to get back on until at least 4 am when I make a very important phone called every weekday *smiles*  but lately its been so out of control....



Once there was a girl whoz life started out in misery and choas it got worse as she got older and her parents fought all the time and she just wanted to die she was 6 and already a grown up taking on responsibility and worrying about things 6 yr olds shouldnt be worrying about  years went by and the girl grew up the big 13  finally a teenager just what she needed? yeah right things were hell parents still fought even sumtimes she was in the middle and was told the only reason they fought was because of her think of how fucked up youd be she kept saying she was okay until the day it just went too far she couldnt take it nemore and she started what people today call cutting she did her arms her wrists her legs and ever her lower stomach she wanted to die and it progressed she had been that way for a while she met this girl online who she thought she was in love with quite well really but it got to be serious everything came crumbling down when her parents and everyone had told her not to call nemore and thats when she started role playing thinking maybe this will take my mind off things but she continued to cut and carve and dig into her soul until it was ripped to peices she came into a chat room and noticed this screen name she thought it would be cool to maybe mess around with sumone like she was being messed around with herself among everything else still cutting carving digging doing nething at all she could do to hurt herself purposly doing stupid stuff to get in trouble to get yelled at she thought ill hurt sumone as bad as im hurt and she did but she fell in love and the nite everything had changed she was going to tell her her tru  identity  but she didnt she just kept it going until it was too late and the person she had fallen in love with found out by sumone else but in spite of all of the lies the hurting and the making her believe her she had fallen in love with her as well and she wondered how did i come to deserve such a wonderful person like this? and she being to think to ponder how could this be  how could she be given sumthing so wonderful when all she ever did was hurt people even though she thought maybe because ive been hurt long enough and she picked her soulmate knowing no matter who she was with everything would just lead her straight back to her  and they were happy she made her stop cutting she changed her for the greater good and she for once didnt try to be happy for once it just happened  and everyday was a blessing because everyday she was with the girl she lived another day after for so long wanting to die and  she thank im so blessed to have sumone so beautiful so inteligent so delicate in her life sumone to keep her breathing sumone to keep her alive another day another week forever and today that girl who cut who carved or digged and ripped her soul to shreds feel in love with sumone who wasnt really love then fucked with a girl who she actually made fall in love with her instead of hate her who made her stop cutting and carving and digging at her soul who made her feel loved and needed and gave her a reason to live that girl who can go through everything every hard situation in life is me 15 year old me and sumtimes i think what if i hadnt found her in time what if i slit my wrist that nite i thought id die she changed me for the greater good and i love her so much and i cant believe that im with such a person like her she makes me so happy and is the only reason i live and breathe each day do you kno who that girl is? shes the girl who can make mircles and dreams come tru MY DREAM COME TRU.

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mood

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sad

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It was crazy... a night of illusion and I woke up in love… and I woke up and looked around  and you were not there..... I closed my eyes and I began to fly and I came close to you ..... I dreamed   that I am happy just imagining you say that you felt for  me again, in dreams.... I asked myself if someday I will be  swimming in your dreams and I looked for your sight..... I was scared to open my eyes.... to find you are  gone.... I closed my eyes and began to fly began to dream and I saw you.... I do not want  to open my eyes.... can't you see that when I opened my eyes  I  reached the sadness I heard your silence and I inhaled my breath, my  solitude and there were no answers...so I closed my eyes and began to dream again........
    I tried everything to convince you  to stay in my dreams.... yet I peaked opening my eyes,  while the world fell apart on my  feet ....while I watched the buildings become sand  and dirt.....and I saw the solitude without you… I will not  reborn as the mornings pass me by....I have gone beyond the limit of sanity.... I will give up everything for you to stay in my dreams I will give up now ... all of me…  my body ...  my identity....  me…. what is loosing like if  there are no games to win… To see you leave my dreams hurts more than the  good things when you are here…. I wont open my eyes …I wont.. the sadness will  throw me into death day by day… if my body has no heart... no soul.... no you.....  The sadness will break my heart into peaces…. If I loose tonight  in my dreams  …what is to loose like? ...If you have taken the winning away,   no way! I won’t wake up…(if i ever lost you)

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mood

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crazy

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I HAVENT POSTED NETHING IN A VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY!!!!!!!!! LONG TIME!! cuz i forgot lmao! welllllllllllllllll ill start postin more so yall can be like YAY! and shit well  post more soon see ya bitches

[

mood

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Suicidal

]

To whomever may be reading this..

I'm Sorry.
That's all I have to say.
I'm Sorry.

I didn't know what else to do, I saw no other way out,
I just... paniced.

I wanted the pain to stop, I wanted it to all go away,
And I didn't know how, I didn't know how else I could fix this.
You'll all be better off without me,
Without the one who wasn't meant to be here,
Without the one who destroys all she touches,
I tore you all apart, and this is how I am going to fix that.

I know it wasn't my fault I was brought here,
But the point is I was and it is up to me to solve that problem,
So I have, Which is why you have this note.

I want to send love and apologies for all who knew me,
To all who felt my wrath, to all who I hurt, to all I destroyed,
To anyone who cared for me (if there are any out there),
I want to say thank you for all you did or tried to do,
But the only person who could ever really help me, was myself.
And I couldn't, didn't, I don't even think I wanted to.

I hung around for as long as I did, for the hope,
The hope that I would find something to make me happy,
But I didn't, And I don't think I ever would.

So I'm writing this note to say sorry,
For coming into this world,
For causing the pain I did,
And for not doing this sooner.

She sucks down the sugar, she's feeling right this time
To coiled to spoil, she's wet and powdered lines
No bullets, No faces, she's got nothing to lose
Can baby come out to play in her dancing shoes

And when it comes it comes like we never played with the others

And I dance with the one legged distortion
I get my drugs from the homesick abortion

Her crutches, were steaples, under violent things
The post-apes, in shiny capes, will give her pretty wings
The snow is, so yellow, we're pissing razor blades
Get in my car with the candy and the panty raids

And when it comes it comes like we never played with the others

And I dance with the one legged distortion
I get my drugs from the homesick abortion
And when their knife runs away with our spoon
We can dance until we wake up the womb


Dance with me
Dance with me
Dance with me
Die
That's how we die
That's how we die

Molestation is just around the corner

I came to you
My forhead open
And you scalped our children
The papercuts are altered heads
The ants came marching
One by one
Outside to bury me
The nails are cracked, hollowed, and dead

Wrapped around me like a spider in purgatory
Suck my skin like a star
I've never felt more beautiful than today
But I've never felt like such a whore

I was on a cross on my way to hell
The machines ran away with my God
New nigger-rigged abortion cells
I raped the skin in the plastic car
I tore out all my feathers
And now her words are only lead

Wrapped around me like a spider in purgatory
Suck my skin like a star
I've never felt more beautiful than today
But I've never felt like such a whore

I want to love you but fuck is dead
I want to fuck you but God is gone
I want to suck you like you hold it together
I want to break all the bones

Stachatory
Is mandatory
But masterbation never saw you coming

I am
The narcoleptic pedophile
I am
The seed in the virgin smile
I am
The son that you prayed for
So who the hell
Are you so afraid for

This is what happens
When God forgets to pull out
And he's got Satan standing by
With an abortion needle hand
And a gleam in her eye

She is
The trigger finger princess
He is
The face behind the parasites
We are
The pistol on God's tounge
You are
The tools He used to build us

This is what happens
When God forgets to pull out
And he's got Satan standing by
With an abortion needle hand
And a gleam in her eye

Aliens
Sing violent songs
Because Mary
Lied to me

Reroute my chromosones
And I'm changing

Oh My Gun!!!

Libido god's got my picture on his wall
Libido child's got the spoon in his smile
The pretty pony's got a pretty little cut
The ugly mother's got her disc compiled

We are nothing but the seeds of the fruit and we are
We are growing lies
We are nothing but the seeds of your fruit and we are
We are growing lies

You cut off your hands before you ever touch God
Cancel your subscription to die
Change the number, change the color, change the shape of the bush
The scape goat is working overtime

We are nothing but the seeds of the fruit and we are
We are growing lies
We are nothing but the seeds of your fruit and we are
We are growing lies

This is the time when you are so right you're wrong
The time when the slit was a mouth all along
This is the time when you are so right you're wrong
The time when your mouth is full of shit